Parenting Includes Preparing for the Worst

No parent wants to think about not being there for their children. But the single most responsible thing a parent can do is prepare for the possibility that they might not be.

If something happens to you, your children will need more than love and memories. They'll need access, information, and guidance. Here are the five things that matter most.

1. Financial Access

Your children's other parent — or whoever will raise them — needs to be able to:

  • Access your bank accounts to pay for housing, food, and childcare
  • Find and claim life insurance benefits
  • Manage any investments or retirement accounts
  • Pay outstanding debts so they don't become a burden

What to put in your vault: Account numbers, institution names, login credentials (or the location of your password manager), and policy numbers for all insurance.

2. Legal Documents

Without the right legal documents, your children's guardian may face months of court proceedings before they can make decisions on your children's behalf.

Make sure you have:

  • A will - naming a guardian for your children and specifying how your assets should be distributed
  • Power of attorney - designating someone to make financial and legal decisions on your behalf
  • Healthcare directive - specifying your medical wishes and who can make healthcare decisions for you

What to put in your vault: Scanned copies of all signed legal documents, plus the name and contact information for the attorney who prepared them.

3. Practical Information

The person raising your children will need to know the details of daily life that only you know:

  • Your children's school information, teacher names, and schedules
  • Medical information such as allergies, medications, pediatrician contact info
  • Routines like bedtime, meals, activities, what soothes them when they're upset
  • Friend networks, who your children's friends are and how to reach their parents

What to put in your vault: A message titled "For the Children" with all of this information written out. Update it every six months as your children grow and routines change.

4. A Letter to Each Child

This is the hardest thing to write. It's also the most important.

Write a separate letter to each of your children. Tell them:

  • What you love about them
  • What you hope for them
  • What you're proud of
  • What you want them to know about you
  • That none of this was their fault
  • That you'll always be with them

You don't have to be a great writer. You just have to be honest. A few paragraphs in your own voice will mean more to your child than anything else in the vault.

What to put in your vault: A separate message for each child, addressed to them by name. These will be delivered to the recipient you choose (their other parent, a guardian, or a trusted family member).

5. Guardian Instructions

If you haven't legally named a guardian, the court will decide who raises your children. That decision may not match what you would have wanted.

Even if you have named a guardian in your will, write a separate message with:

  • Why you chose this person
  • Your hopes and expectations for how your children should be raised
  • Educational preferences
  • Religious or cultural traditions you want continued
  • Anything else the guardian should know

What to put in your vault: A message titled "Guardian Instructions" addressed to your children's guardian.

Don't Wait Until They're Older

There's a common trap: "I'll do this once the kids are a little older and things settle down." But things never settle down. And the risk doesn't wait for a convenient time.

If your children are old enough for you to worry about, they're old enough for you to prepare for them.

Start With One Thing

If doing all five feels overwhelming, start with one. Write the letter to your first child tonight. Upload it to your vault tomorrow. Then do the next thing next week.

The only wrong move is not starting.